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Alexithymia

 Many Neurodivergent people have a difficult time naming their own emotions or describing how they feel. I am far from being immune to this, despite being a synesthete.

For me, when I'm around others, I'm not sure whether their emotions are mine or what my emotions even are. When I'm alone, however, I have a very difficult time even naming what emotions I am experiencing, unless there is a specific trauma-related trigger.

I have read that Alexithymia often develops as a trauma response in many cases, and I am basing my information off of my own Autistic experience of it. For example, I can sometimes name loneliness when it hits me, but some of the more basic emotions elude me. 

It can be difficult to express your emotions, particularly in a neurotypical way, if you're unaware of what you're actually feeling at a given moment. As a mirror-touch synesthete, my emotions get entangled with others and it can sometimes be chaotic trying to juggle another person's emotions with my own, but unlike many Autistic people, I actually don't like being alone for extended periods due to abandonment trauma. A little bit of time to recharge is fine, but I need people, and I can identify loneliness when my fiancee is at work. 

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