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A Little Bit of Background Regarding Disability Status

 I have been reading the book, Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price, PhD, and it has been making me think about the past 13 years of my life and how I handled it.

It took me 12 years to go back to university and change my major to an associate degree in social science, then a bachelor's degree in psychology with a double minor in sociology and gender studies. I used to be an art history major and studio art minor, but after a while, and an attempt to switch to psychology in my early 20s, resulted in burnout that lasted over a decade.

For a decade, I spent most of my time in bed and just thought I was "lazy" for being on SSI and being unable to do much other than indulge in learning about my special interests in my own time, including psychology. I didn't think I would ever be able to go back to college because I had, and continue to have to some degree, significant executive dysfunction.

I am both Autistic and ADHD, but I was misdiagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type and later re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, which seems a little more accurate. While I can do well in school and accomplish writing when I have the chance, it is very difficult for me to keep up with basic tasks, such as chores and sometimes self-care.

I am learning that I am NOT a "lazy" person like I always attributed to myself, and had other people attribute to me, but that I actually have to remember to give myself breaks because I'm actually more of a workaholic, which left me burned out in bed for a decade with severe depression. It is only through ketamine therapy and ADHD medication (not taken together... They interact) that I have been able to get out of this depressive and traumatized funk.

I must also mention that my 20s were full of medical trauma as well, and I was suffering from addiction that has taken a very long time to start recovering from. I am actually currently dealing with issues related to my rare kidney condition, megacalycosis, but I am trying my best to keep it as manageable as possible without resorting to substance use that I no longer want in my life. Doctors continue to often write me off as a "hypochondriac" or "drug seeker" when I have legitimate health concerns. I really wish doctors better understood the mind-body connection, but that's beside the point. I have to always be sent to another specialist to get my basic needs met. 

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